it never ceases to amaze me how things work out for us, how things turn out in the long run, how things fall into place. it takes a great deal of faith to close your eyes, follow blindly, wait for changes, and accept the outcome.
pray, hope, wait, laugh a little, cry if you have to. its aaaalll part of it. and in the end, in retrospect, you know, just know with every spark in your soul, that this is it.
have a little faith.
"happy… <happy> it’s so nice to be happy…"
kasi puro naman sad nakasulat dito. its like when something sad happens in your life, all you can do is write. and when something nice happens, you can’t even take time to jot that simple joy because your busy enjoying the moment.
i whine a lot, complain a lot. i see my fellow whiner friends, how they wanna die when life hurls at them a little surprise they’re not prepared for. they emit some sadness that somehow seems infectious or gets some eyebrows raised to the silent line of "anuBaaaaNamanYaaaan" . i probably got that alot.
and then i see my stoic friends, those who manage not to wear their hearts on their sleeves. i admire them in their whole prim and proper glory, not even needing a formal coaching from mr.JRPowers on how to and no to act on certain occasions. i wanna be like them, the silent-waters-run-deep types. they emit a sense of control over their lives, a certain feeling of contentment and happiness. but unlike the other end of the spectrum, it aint contagious. its something innate and i have yet to figure out if it is learnable.
i have been silent for the past few months. i guess that means, im happy. or at least… trying to be 
i could not tell left from right as fast as a normal person could… even if my life depended on it.
i need time to think:
which hand do i use to write. right to write. yeah right.
so when someone tells me to make a turn to the right, i probably made a left even if a huge ONE WAY sign is shouting upfront.
in school, even if a consultant asks me where is the lesion, i would still stare at them blankly for a minute in order to orient the world’s left and right.
describing lesions entails you to lateralize them on the right or on the left.
i know what things are found on the right, i know those that should be on the left.
your heart is on your left, your liver is on your right.
and as if the world conspires to confuse you, life throws at you radiology.
the heart in front of the negatoscope places it to your right.
and then they add that the marker of your films are always on the right.
then you find yourself staring at the marker on the opposite side of the heart.
so it takes me a couple more minutes to orient myself… again.
i love radio. i really do
it makes you think all day long about right and left… nothing less, but a whole lot more.
one of the most overused lines i get when faced with a nerve-racking, earth-shattering, world-spinning dilemma is
be strong. you’ll get through this…
and so i did.
again and again, ten million times and again, all over again, i did. i don’t know how, but i did.
through the years though, i manage to notice that being strong does NOT mean standing up all the time, rooting to the ground against all odds, never giving up on what you want, fighting all temptation to leave what is undone.
sometimes, being strong means giving up the things you hoped for. giving up and accepting that some things aren’t meant for you, aren’t ACTUALLY for you. it doesn’t mean that you lost the fight and neither does it make you any less of a person you ought to be. strength is not a measure of how less you hurt than those who are considered weak.
and yes, life is probably more hurtful for those who hope the most.
so, am i strong?
in retrospect, yeah i guess, sometimes.
i complain a lot. i whine a lot. i cry a lot.
i stumble easily. i break easily. i explode easily.
but amidst all the rants you hear from me, i manage to get things done… even with a heavy heart.
and now He’s giving me another trying ten months.
and i surrender myself completely. no ifs, ors, or buts.
the gospel today talks about the greatest commandment of them all.
(and no, its not go forth and multiply. sillyÜ)
"love one another" but it didnt stop there. a qualifier exists, pretty much a dangling modifier which gives it an entirely different meaning. "love one another, as I have loved you"
now there are two kinds of love. one is the kind of loving where something good comes of it. and the other is the kind of loving where no good comes of it. and that spells out the difference of the dangling modifier. the unconditionality of the love in this categorization is not even an issue. how you love is not even being put on the spot. how long you’ve loved, how much you’ve hurt, how happy you’ve been, how deep you were cut, how badly you were burnt, these doesnt matter. what matters is the outcome. did it add a trinket of goodness to the world or did it just add to the ass statistics of the world? some kinda Machiavelian, huh?
so i ask you, which kind of love are you in?
are you falling in love or falling into pieces?
and yes, i am talking to you Ü
sometimes, we try so desperately to look for answers when all along it was right there in front of our eyes. the reason why we ignore it is probably because the answer we’ve been looking for is quite simple — something we didnt expect, something we didnt see coming, something we (even subconsciously) didnt hope for, something so simple that it hurts our pride so much.
answers can come in different forms. but let us not forget that sometimes even the most complex math problems end in ‘∞‘, ‘no s.s.’ or simply… ‘no answer’. but as human nature dictates, the intricate wiring of your neuronal network would fire up and would not just accept that. but shouldnt the answers be justified already by the solutions that led us to it?
life probably is simple (read: probably being the operative word). complexities arise the moment we try to delve deeper into its simplicity.
so in looking for answers, try taking things as they are. yes, i know we’re programmed with analytical minds and something less of thinking demotes our essence. but too much of something is bad, pretty much the same with all the things in life. too much thinking can kill. great. so we have a double-edged sword.
now if we still cant seem to find answers, ASK. never be too timid, too intimidated, too apprehensive, too arrogant, too proud to ask. somehow, deep down, you know who to ask for answers. you know where to look for answers. you know who holds the key to those answers. and to get to those answers, in the end, i guess it would just really boil down to asking the right questions.
and when the answers do come,
expect less, accept more.
coz there’s nothing more painful than hoping for something that turns out to be false eventually.
may 1, labor day. labor tlga o. labor of love.
*toots* galore.
oh my. my virgin eyes no more. hello, tanner stage 5
hahaha….
a happy post… for a change.
tnx Dr.T! Dr.J! Dr.G!
i remember one priest say in one of his homilies that the greatest relationships are formed over the dinner table.
so is it about the food? about the coffee that comes after? about the table setting?
i think its really just a witty way of underscoring the value of communication in any relationship. and i mean ANY.
talk and talk and talk. from the start spill it out, lay your cards down. this avoids guesses, misconceptions, false assumptions, and misunderstandings. all these that could lead to something not pretty, something heavy, something sad which could have been avoided in the first place.
so do i agree with chowking’s "galit-galit muna"? yeah, if that’s how you eventually would want it to be…
PE = mgh
a ball is shot up in the air, flies high until it reaches its maximum height, and then starts to fall freely. after some time it reaches the ground then bounces up again on the rebound — but this time it will never reach the same height as its first, never fall with the same energy.
on the rebound, things are not of the best potential. on the rebound, you’re not sure wether you just wanna bounce back up or fall freely. on the rebound, things are the murkiest. on the rebound, to the hand it seems fun. on the rebound, to the ball, sometimes it just wishes for it to stop.
now, is the ball made of rubber? or is it of fragile glass? or something in between, marble? rubber can survive the bounce. glass will end up in ten million pieces. marble will choose which surface to bounce on.
so who’s there to pick up the pieces? who’s there to cushion the fall? or better yet, how does one keep from bouncing?! how do you avoid being picked up on the rebound? i don’t know. but i suggest keep on rolling and pray with all your might that when you leave ground, you’re in the hands delegated by some Divine intervention 
